Calculated Vulnerability

"Come near to God and He will come near to you."
James 4:8

Coming near to God means bringing the full measure of myself to Him.  All of my parts, the good the bad and the ugly.  God's response?  -He comes near to me, He meets me there.  He matches my vulnerability with intimacy.  Intimacy; not rejection, not judgement, not shame, and not hiding himself from me.

How far of a cry my experience has been with people, including Christians, especially Christians.  I've not been exempt from doing that.  When I've made myself vulnerable to another by showing all parts of me...especially showing my neediness, my experience starting from childhood, is that people tend to close up and act kinda funny.  I run into a wall when I express needs, especially of an emotional nature.

Being needy has been taught to me to be a sign of weakness or a liability in one's psyche or personality.  I've bought into that lie, way more than I wish.  I've thought it was too dangerous to show my needs to others, especially "strong Christians", because it will and has scared some away.  Now I can say, "Good riddance." and bid them farewell.  They will not do me any favors by influencing me to be like that anymore than I already am.  I'm asking God to grant me repentance from being like that and to give me courage to change what I can, with His aid.  But the true fleshing it out is done precisely in fleshing it out.  It's not by trying to brainwash myself in isolation and rewire my thoughts alone.  It happens in relationships with others.  The winning team includes God, me and others.  I want to surround myself with people who will help me grow into the likeness of God, not the religious people I've grown to pitty.  I'm realizing, how ungodly of a response to vulnerabilities that truly is...and it's contagious.  I also realize since I'm not God with limitless resources within, I cannot meet all the needs I'm presented with, He will guide me though.  But I don't need to shun anyone away because of their vulnerability factor.  God will guide me in re-directing them as needed.  He does that to me at times, by others.  It grows my "trust muscles" in having to wait a little sometimes :)

When I'm shunned or judged after becoming vulnerable I know that God is not being reflected there.  Far from it.  People who cannot handle the needs of others for love and connection and intimacy on a deeper level reflect something other than God.  Maybe their reflecting their fears, that's what I think I'm doing when I do that.  God responds to expressed vulnerability and needs by drawing close.  What a lie I've believed to think that it's the "dysfunctional" or "needy" people who are unsafe because of their needs, and to pull away from them in response, in a nice way of course.  That is more of a reflection of me and my stuff, not their's.  And the same goes for others who do this to me.  God doesn't get intimidated by my needs or the longings to have them fulfilled.  He weaved them into the human soul.  Neither is He is fooled by people's lack of awareness of their needs or by their denial of them.  He embraces those who accepts and not resists, their need for love and connection at a deep level.  This need is a trait of humans which distinguishes us from the rest of creation, otherwise we are just very intelligent animals.

Making myself vulnerable is being willing to be hurt, criticized and even attacked by others.  If I were not at risk for that, I wouldn't be vulnerable and I wouldn't be a reflection of Jesus.  Love involves risk -loving others and being loved by others, puts me at risk for getting hurt.  But it is a very calculated and premeditated risk.  Jesus did this when He entered the human race as an infant.  He came to a war-zone as a baby and entered this world which had powers and principalities in high places who hated him.  He knew it would cost Him everything, including His own life - being nailed to the cross.  Yet that is the very thing God used to defeat Satan and give us freedom from the enemy's charge of sin against us.  God used the enemy's plan and hate tactics to work for His plan of salvation and redemption, and all the schemes of Satan backfired onto himself.  God allowed Satan to play all his cards, to his own demise.

But none of this would have happened if Jesus didn't make himself vulnerable.  There is strength in taking certain risks.  There is wisdom in premeditated and calculated vulnerability, for the benefit of others.  It'll likely come with an assault from the enemy, but the greater the assault, the greater the backlash on Satan and the greater the glory of God is revealed.

Remember, God is also a warrior, a brilliant one, not just a powerful one.  And a part of His brilliant warrior heart is making Himself vulnerable.